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January 8, 2013
I scratched the ticket, then I kept on saying, ‘I hit a million!’ over and over again. I jumped two feet in the air, then ran back into the store and tipped the clerk $100.
46-year-old Urooj Khan • Discussing his initial joy after winning $1 million from a scratch-off lottery ticket. The joy turned into something sad and dark recently, after Khan was found to be fatally poisoned just a day after receiving his check.  While coroners described his death as natural causes initially, investigators took a closer look at the request of a relative. “They had concerns that it was deemed a natural cause of death and wanted us to look harder,” said Cook County, Illinois, Medical Examiner Stephen Cina. “And we did.” After an investigation, they found that Khan had died of cyanide poisoning. The office may exhume his body as a result of the ne findings, which is now being reclassified as a homicide.
8:48 // 1 year ago
December 21, 2010
Dear Internet: We need a Salad Bar Security Administration, stat
So, CBS is reporting that a recent terror threat involved the poisoning of food. Here’s how it would’ve worked. First, the terror suspects would go to salad bars or buffets out in the open at hotels and restaurants and put poison (ricin and cyanide) in the food. Then, a bunch of people would get sick. Then they’d die. Next thing you know? Full-body scanners every time you go to Golden Corral, meaning that every time you just have to grab another rib from that delicious buffet of theirs, all the while avoiding the trailer trash you’re slumming with, you’ll have to put your fork and knife in little baggies. And then your plate will have to be sanitized with a crazy machine. The federal government will need to hire millions of people to ensure our ranch dressing is safe. And the unemployment rate will drop. And we’ll all be safe. Until that is, the terrorists start fucking with our air. Then, friends, we’re all dead. (Photo by jacobms, complete with bacon cameo.) source
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So, CBS is reporting that a recent terror threat involved the poisoning of food. Here’s how it would’ve worked. First, the terror suspects would go to salad bars or buffets out in the open at hotels and restaurants and put poison (ricin and cyanide) in the food. Then, a bunch of people would get sick. Then they’d die. Next thing you know? Full-body scanners every time you go to Golden Corral, meaning that every time you just have to grab another rib from that delicious buffet of theirs, all the while avoiding the trailer trash you’re slumming with, you’ll have to put your fork and knife in little baggies. And then your plate will have to be sanitized with a crazy machine. The federal government will need to hire millions of people to ensure our ranch dressing is safe. And the unemployment rate will drop. And we’ll all be safe. Until that is, the terrorists start fucking with our air. Then, friends, we’re all dead. (Photo by jacobms, complete with bacon cameo.) source

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21:44 // 3 years ago