Workplace productivity goes up. We suggest it goes back down.

• 2.6% jump in productivity levels in the recent quarter source

» Suggestion for the workforce at large: Be less productive. It will encourage employers to hire more people if they can’t get done what they need to get done with the people they have. And as a result, the unemployment rate will go down because these greedy bastards won’t be able to use their profit picture to screw over millions of unemployed people who can’t find work. You bastards need to stop working so hard. Clock out half an hour early one day for no reason. Sit at your desk and reload Tumblr repeatedly. Blow a deadline. Make yourself not so much replaceable, but appendable. You need an assistant, right? Right? (Note, since people are taking this post seriously: This is “A Modest Proposal,” a Swiftian joke.)

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