Six reasons you should never eat Papa John’s pizza

1) The pizza is terrible. 2) The guy above wants to raise prices and cut worker hours as a result of Obamacare. 3) They mass-text-spammed people in the middle of the night, leading to a $250 million class-action lawsuit. 4) “Papa John” Schnatter owns this house. 5) They don’t have lava cakes. 6) Namesake competitor Jimmy John’s is bringing back sprouts soon, and they deliver, too. (EDIT: Though, as it turns out, #2 applies to Jimmy John as well.)